Bonobo Coaching - Practicing Inclusive Love in the Age of Gaia

Bonobo Coaching - Sustainable Paths to Inclusive Love

Serena's Eros - Klimt's Die Madchen

The desire to practice inclusive styles of love is pervasive today.  In the age of Gaia, we have discovered that nature is our hostess.  We owe her to share resources of love as generously as we can. 

Gaia, the Third Planet

Loving inclusively is ecosexual!  People's belief in exclusivity--romantic, amorous, and/or sexual as it may be--is waning from negative experiences with conventional marriage.  More scientific evidence is at hand to explain this.  Hearts and minds connect in the noosphere as evolution is revisited.  However, not many people know how to navigate the transition from exclusivity to inclusiveness in balanced, sustainable, compassionate ways.  

Bonobo Conservation Initiative

Bonobo Coaching opens paths to styles of inclusive love that are gradual, balanced, and sustainable for all those emotionally involved.  Your coach, Serena, has successfully transitioned to a rich personal life of amorous inclusiveness where relationships sustain each other in balanced and graceful ways.  She has studied inclusive styles of love like polyamory and bisexuality for over a decade.  She has practiced amorous inclusiveness at various levels for about two decades.  She considers herself an ecosexual.  She is the author of several books on the subject, and has offered workshops and coaching sessions world wide.  She can coach in English, Français, Italiano, and Español.  She is fluent and formally trained in these four languages.

Bonobo Conservation Initiative

Bonobos are one of the most amorous and peaceful species Gaia, our hostess planet, has ever seen.  They use grooming, sex, and amorous inclusiveness to resolve conflicts and for social cohesion.  They are the primate species genetically closest to humans.  Bonobo Coaching is a style of coaching designed to sustain us humans in activating the virtues of our genetic kinship with Bonobos and put them to beneficial use.

When not freely chosen, exclusivity can be asphyxiating.  In the transition from exclusivity to expansive amorous inclusiveness, Serena has made all the mistakes.  However, she never allowed a mistake to kick her back into asphyxiation.  What matters about mistakes is the interpretation.  In offering coaching sessions, Serena promises to sustain you in interpreting each mistake an an opportunity to learn and move step forward on the path to the expansive amorous inclusiveness you want.

Here are some Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: What is coaching?  How does it differ from therapy? 

A: Coaching is a way to develop through a confidential dialog with a person whose wisdom and experience one trusts.  This dialog intends to help one move beyond an emotional place where one feels stuck due to societal and conventional limitations, when these fall short in appreciating one's multiple capacities and talents for love.  Coaching is for people who are well.  It does not intend to cure any condition.  However, it does intend to sustain one in developing one's unique talents for love. 

Q: What can coaching do for me if I'm seeking to develop an inclusive style of love?

3WayKiss

A: Inclusive love is a way of love that expands beyond the mono paradigms typical of Western cultures in the modern world: monosexuality and monogamy.  Its basic premise is that love is an art whose conscious practice helps people develop their basic talents as amorous persons, and become more abundant resources of love for their communities and life as a whole.

Q: How can I get some coaching?   

A: You can make a coaching appointment with Serena by email or phone.  A brief assessment interview will precede the session.  If Serena feels that her coaching can sustain you in your desire to move forward on the path of inclusive love, she will make a coaching appointment with you.  Coaching can often produce results in one to three or four sessions.  Coaching sessions can be one to two hours each.  The cost is $ 60 per hour per person.

You can prepay your session(s).  Serena will receive a notification.  Please make sure you enter your contact in the payment slip so she can reach you!

Appreciation: "Thank you so much for all your support and your brilliant consulting in Malpensa! It has been really helpful..." Ryan from Vienna, 7-22-2011

Q: What kinds of coaching sessions are available?

A: Coaching sessions are available presentially and long-distance.  Presential sessions typically follow a workshop, course, or seminar.  Long-distance sessions are by appointment and can be set up on skype or teleconference.

Earth as Lover - Cindy Baker

Coaching sessions are either individual or with two or multiple participants. Typically, participants are involved in some practice of amorous inclusiveness.  Each participant is assessed individually before coaching begins.  The hourly cost of a multiple session is established based on the needs of the group.  It is usually lower than separate individual sessions.

Q: Are workshops also offered?

Gaia at Kalikalos, Greece

A: Yes.  Serena offers a range of workshops about amorous inclusiveness, the 3WayKiss Workshops.  They are designed to support communities open up the path to more inclusive styles of love.  A good example is "Compersion: The Spirit of Polyamory."  Other options include "The Pleasure of the Other: Becoming a Resource for Love," "Flogassage: The Bioenergetics of Multiple Loves," and "Fluid Bonding and the Health/Safety of Erotic Communities."  Details and descriptions:  HERE!

Q: How can I bring a 3WayKiss workshop to my community? 

Workshops are only available presentially.  If you have and/or are part of one such community, you can offer your place to host Serena and the workshop(s) of choice.  A three-four hour workshop is usually $ 30-40 per participant, with a minimum enrollment of 15.  Serena has a calendar of open travel dates.  Please consult with her before making plans.  She will offer participants the option of coaching sessions in the days immediately after the workshop. 

Q: How can I reach Serena to book some of her services?

A: You can email serena.anderlini@gmail.com.  Include "Bonobo Coaching" in the subject line so she will recognize your message.  You can also call her phone lines: 787 255 1175 (landline) or 787 538 1680 (iphone).

Bonobo Coaching wishes amorous bliss to you and your beloveds.  Practicing love in conscious and inclusive ways is sustainable and good for you.  Please let us know how we can support you in developing your talents for love. 

If you've had a rough Valentine's day, don't worry.

Next time will be better!

 Remember to honor the divine in you.
Namaste.  Thank you!

Works Consulted

• Anapol, Deborah.  Polyamory in the 21st Century.  New York: Rowman & Littlefield, 2010.
• Anderlini-D'Onofrio, Serena.  Gaia and the New Politics of Love: Notes for a Poly Planet.  Berkeley: North Atlantic Books, 2009.
• ______  .  Eros: A Journey of Multiple Loves.  New York: Routledge, 2006.
• Consiglio, Carlo.  L'Amore con piu partner.  Rome: Pioda, 2009.
• Fisher, Helen.  Why We Love?  The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.  New York: Holt, 2004.
• Fromm, Erich.  The Art of Loving.  New York: Harper Perennial, 2006 (first published in German in 1956).
• Kingma, Daphne Rose.  The Future of Love.  New York: Main Street Books, 1999.
• ______  .  Coming Apart: Why Relationships End.  New York: Conari Press, 2000.
• Millenson, Jock, ed.  Liberating Love: Readings from the German Meiga Communities.  Aberystwyth: Cambrian, 2007.
• Robins, Suzann.  Exploring Intimacy: Cultivating Healthy Relationships.  New York: Rowman & Littlefield, 2010,
• Ryan, Christopher and Cacilda Jetha.  Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality.  New York: Harper, 2010.

Acknolwledgment:
The name "Bonobo Coaching" came up in a conversation with multiple friends, and in particular Murray Schechter.  His sense of humor always gives me joy.  I am grateful. 

Workshop 1 - Compersion: The Spirit of Polyamory

Workshop 1 - Compersion: The Spirit of Polyamory

In the wisdom of love, we understand that the arts of loving can save Gaia, the live planet, because they are part of the arts of healing.  A key concept in these arts is compersion, which comes from polyamory and is often understood as 'the opposite of jealousy.'  Compersion is the joy of sharing the amorous resources that bless our lives.  It is the bliss of witnessing the love our partners receive from others than ourselves.  Jealousy often registers as a humiliating emotion.  How can this emotion transform into joy?  The 2 1/2 hour workshop is designed to teach this transformation in a series of small-group exercises that impact our inner and outer landscapes.  Compersion, the spirit of polyamory, is a vibration that animates our bodies with joy and participation, once we become familiar with the bioenergetics of this inclusive, liberating emotion.

Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio, PhD, is a professor of humanities at the University of Puerto Rico, Mayaguez.  She is the author of Eros: A Journey of Multiple Loves, and the editor of numerous collections.  She teaches courses, workshops, and seminars on the practice of love and the science of Gaia.

Scheduled for July 8, 2010, in Bellingham, WA

Contact: Laya Shriaberg, laya@spiralsun.com

Workshop 2 - Fluid Bonding and the Health/Safety of Erotic Communities

Workshop 2 - Fluid Bonding and the Health/Safety of Erotic Communities

This workshop discusses how changes to fluid-bonding agreements can impact individuals in an erotic community, the community’s notification and negotiation processes, screening protocols, and reactions to disease outbreaks and breaches in agreement.  A general introduction to the topic will be followed by open discussion, with a few anecdotes to break the ice if necessary.

Why is the practice of safer sex important to an erotic community?

The protection of each participant is proportional to the health of the community.  In practicing safer sex, a participant in an erotic community protects other participants from pathogens that might be inadvertently stored in this participant’s body.  Physical safety is conducive of emotional safety too.

Fluid-bonding is the practice of exchanging deep and not-so-deep body fluids with sexual and erotic partners, and the emotional bonding that this implies.  On the pair level, fluid bonding can be viewed as a trading of risk for pleasure and intimacy.  In a given erotic community, it is more complicated; there are implications, both positive and negative, to each participant and to the community as a whole.   In general, one might say that fluid bonding contributes to the health of a community to the extent that it is based on rules that are defined quite explicitly and followed quite closely.

Workshop Design by Serena Anderlini and Murray Schechter

Workshop 3 - The Pleasure of the Other: Becoming a Resource for Love

Workshop 3 - The Pleasure of the Other: Becoming a Resource for Love

The ecstasy our lovers feel is proportional to our ability to experience it as our own pleasure.  When we get to access this experience our education in the arts of loving can be considered complete.  As artists of love, we will be the source of erotic ecstasy for our lovers in such sublime communion that the pleasure of the other will become our own.

As a principle of erotic/ecstatic communion, the pleasure of the other is not new.  We can read about it in Sappho, Ovid, Veronica Franco, Giacomo Casanova, and others whose love lives have been celebrated in literature.  But how can we learn to generate this pleasure in our own love lives?  This workshop is designed to provide access to this experience.

The exercise intends to initiate participants in the practice of forming a pleasure team and receiving pleasure from multiple sources.  It can be done in a conventional or clothing-optional environment.  Participants form groups of 5 to 7 people and sit on the floor in a circle.  One participant volunteers to be the ‘pleasure emitter,’ the others form the ‘pleasure team.’  The ‘pleasure emitter’ lies down at the center while members of the ‘pleasure team’ sit around in a circle.  Boundaries are set as to what areas of the ‘pleasure emitter’s’ body are open for receiving pleasure and what areas are off limits.  The pleasure team begins to focus on pleasuring the emitter.  Members will stay tuned into each other and listen for signs of pleasure from the emitter.   The emitter will express pleasure with words, moans, and body movements.  These will reverberate as feed back with the team whose members will enhance the pleasure as they respond to the expressions of the emitter.

The exercise can be repeated as many times as there are volunteer pleasure emitters in the group.  Each round lasts about 10-15 minutes.  After two or three rounds, the group will discuss the experience.  Participants will share about what it felt like to be in either position and why.  What did participants learn about pleasure?  Is the pleasure of the other better than our own? 

A group hug can be used as a closing ritual.

A workshop designed by Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio, PhD

Workshop 4 - Flogassage: The Bioenergetics of Multiple Loves

Workshop 4 - Flogassage:  The Bioenergetics of Multiple Loves

Learning the Arts of Loving with Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio

This workshop combines small group massage and mild flogging to convey the bio-energetic experience of polyamory compersion, tantric energy and kundalini, and love for the person. 

Compersion is the ability to share love among three or more people.  Practicing compersion helps to transmute jealousy into the joy and elation of being present to multiple loves, to give up exclusivity, and to express pleasure and ecstasy (or being the “pleasure emitter” in a multipartnering situation

Tantric Energy & Kundalini are modes of amorous expression that enable one to give, receive, store, and transmute erotic energy throughout the body and the chakra system.  These modes are often experienced indirectly.   In this workshop we focus on the back side of the body as a place to store and transmute these energies.

Love for the person is the ability to love someone independently of their gender and sexual orientation.  Many experienced bisexuals practice this kind of love.  In this workshop we focus on changing roles within a small group, exchanging erotic energy with diverse participants, adjusting degrees of participation, and experiencing full-body erotic pleasure, to convey the experience of loving the person.

"I was fortunate to attend a flogassage organized by Serena. It was not on the agenda for the weekend, but was one of the highlights of my experience. Serena expertly set the mood and our expectations, then smoothly guided us through hours of sensual touch experiences unlike anything I had ever experienced before. She is truly gifted," said Michael from Massachusetts.


Notes:  
This workshop is open to everyone over 18. 
It is especially recommended for massage therapists and other kinds of holistic healers interested in exploring the sensual aspects of the healing arts. 
The workshop will be held in a clothing optional environment. 
Participation in the exercises is based on consent.  Graded levels of participation are encouraged.

Workshop 5 - Bisexuality, Self-Knowledge, and Eros

Workshop

Bisexuality, Self-Knowledge, and Eros

This workshop is designed to assist participants in becoming more aware of how bisexual cultures and lovestyles complement and integrate with Polyamory.

We open with a short poem about bisexuality by nonetheless that William Shakespeare. "Two loves I have," from Sonnet 144.   There is nothing new to bisexuality or Polyamory, since even the bard practiced them . . .

We continue with definitions and historical perspectives about the bisexual movement, especially in the late 20^th century, with a special reference to the work of the late Fritz Klein, from a psychoanalytical perspective, and Lani Kaahumanu and Loraine Hutchins, from a cultural and earth-centered perspective.  Participants will be invited to share in small groups about bisexual dreams, wishes, fantasies, and experiences. 

Next will be a practical exercise based on the Klein Grid, a bi version of the Kinsley Scale.  Participants will be invited to place themselves on this grid.  Then they will mix and mingle while they ask questions of each other as to where they best fit, so that in the end everyone will stand on the floor in correspondence to their place on the grid, to everyone’s amusement!  

Bisexuality is largely in the mind of the beholder.  Participants will play the roles of givers and receivers in small groups.  The messages will be expressed via soft touch and/or flirtatious gazing.   The givers will keep their intention secret, and the receiver will be invited to guess as to what that is.  In many cases, a non-sexual intention will be interpreted as sexual, and vice versa, to the amusement of all.