5 of 9 - EcoSex @ U Conn - Book Reports - Polyamory in the 21st Century: John's Take

Dear Earthlings:

The EcoSex course at U Conn is in process.  It's a great experience.  We are expanding horizons with clustered reading: Theory of Science, Cultural Theory, Ecological Theory.  We each read related books, then report to group.  More thinking out of the box and across disciplines.  Students are sending their book reports in.  In class, we connect the dots. From a holograph of what we've read together, the "required readings."  What's the connection with our clustered themes?  Multiple perspectives and good synergy.  Here, we offer a glimpse.  Deborah Anapol's Polyamory in the 21st Century is one of five "Cultural Theory" books.  We got John to report on it.  

John Nitowski:  
A Book Report on Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners
by Deborah Anapol

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Dr. Anapol’s book Polyamory in the 21^st Century takes a more academic tone than her other book The Seven Natural Laws of Love, but draws from the same sources. Dr. Anapol practices polyamory and has a lot of connections (professional and otherwise) with other polyamorists. Through mostly interviews, with some statistical research, Dr. Anapol presents the full picture of polyamory: the good and the bad.

To clarify, “polyamory” is the practice of being openly intimate with more than one person at a time. It’s different from cheating on one’s spouses (because transparency is always a factor) and from swinging (because “swinging” in current connotations implies strictly physical relationships, though there is a strong connection to classical swinging and modern polyamory). As Dr. Anapol defines it, “I use the word polyamory to describe a whole range of lovestyles that arise from an understanding that love cannot be forced to flow or be prevented from flowing in any particular direction. Love, which is allowed to expand, often grows to include a number of people. But to me, polyamory has more to do with an internal attitude of letting love evolve without expectations or demands that it look a particular way than it does with the number of partners involved,” (1). Many polyamorous people come to the conclusion that, “lifelong monogamy is more of a mirage than a reality,” (2). The “monogamy mirage” is something of a product of modern society. It seems to produce dysfunctional families so while many people actively seek out polyamorous relationships, “most inadvertently discover that polyamory provides a very fertile environment for replicating any dysfunctional patterns carried over from the parental triangle experienced in their family of origin,” (20).

Somewhat shockingly, she opens the book with, “I have always characterized my position on polyamory as pro-choice rather than antimonogamy,” (ix). Dr. Anapol establishes that she is not out to convert us all to be polyamorists. Rather, she is here to show her readers that it is a viable alternative to serial monogamy. Of course a few pages later she writes, “In all honesty, after twenty-five years as a relationship coach, seminar leader, and participant observer in the polyamory community, I’m not at all sure that polyamory can fulfill its potential for sustainable intimacy,” (xv). It would seem that Dr. Anapol is apprehensive about the possibilities polyamory supposedly promises for society (more peaceful, more loving, more open, etc.) but reading the book a little closer reveals something different.

In Chapter 4 “The Ethics of Polyamory,” Dr. Anapol tells a story regarding a foursome under the heading “Unhealthy Monogamy leads to Unhealthy Polyamory,” (82). The story concerns two couples that got together to form a foursome: Vic and Christy met Alice and Jack at a party. They soon started a polyamorous relationship. While Christy and Jack developed “a sexual chemistry so strong that it was nearly palpable,” Vic was concerned that Christy would leave him for Jack, (83). When their foursome broke up, Christy and Vic were fine and had a thriving monogamous relationship. But the jealousy and pain was still apparent, Alice and Jack divorced not long after the event.

This episode highlights one of Dr. Anapol’s realizations about polyamory: “the form of the relationship is not so important… the form can change at any time. What accounts is allowing love to dictate the form rather than attempting to force love into whatever mold the mind has decided it right,” (ix-x). Like Diamond in Sexual Fluidity, Anapol seems to posit a sort of “relationship fluidity.” She includes lots of relationship combinations, for example, polygamy, polygyny, polyandry, group marriages, triads, dyads, Vs (where A dates B and C, but B and C aren’t dating), and Ns (where A and B are dating, but A dates C, and B dates D, but they aren’t dating anyone else). Polyamory is worthless if we can’t take the lessons we assume it promotes: open intimacy (sexual and emotional), a larger realm of love, decreased jealousy in favor of compersion, etc.

The chapter I was most interested to read was 7: “Polyamory and Children.” Whenever I ask monogamists what the purpose of marriage is, they tend to respond, “For the protection of children. Without laws in place, there’s nothing to keep fathers from just walking out,” (ironically, I heard this exact wording from a father). Not only does that sound absolutely absurd, that the instinct of fatherhood is held only in place by arbitrary laws, but I’ve seen too many parents who did walk out on their children. And not just fathers, but mothers as well. This isn’t to say monogamy is inherently bad, any more than Dr. Anapol shows the reader with her book that polyamory is not inherently good. But when it concerns raising children, the only advantage seems to be convenience. Several times in the book, Dr. Anapol expresses how nice it is to be able to go somewhere intimate with a partner and know her small children were well cared for at home. Otherwise, there don’t seem to be any actual beneficial or detrimental effects from raising children in a polyamorous home. Among the many stories Dr. Anapol includes, a woman describes her polyamorous lifestyle’s effect on her son, “I hear of the ups and downs of his relationships, just like any normal young man. So while I would like to say that our sexualoving lifestyle saved him such grief, I see that is not so. On the other hand, he sees the slings and arrows of his love life as part of his spiritual path, and I also notice that he truly honors his girlfriends and maintains friendships with odd lovers. As a mother, then, I do not worry about him,” (135). So really, she’s just describing a well-adjusted young man. Not that these are absent from monogamous relationships, but it stands to reason that polyamory’s emphasis on communication, openness, honesty, and a deeper understanding of unconditional love translates well to children.

This book is a great addition to our list (and I’m somewhat surprised it wasn’t required). I remember reading one story in Sexual Fluidity where a woman, not using any specific label to define herself, said she loved to date men because of the intensity, but loved dating women because of the intimacy. When she was with a woman, she missed the intensity of her male partners, but when she was with men, she missed the intimacy of her male partners. After reading the story, I wondered why she couldn’t have both and just be polyamorous? I think Dr. Anapol would ask the same question.

One of the more unexpected aspects to me (that I believe relates more immediately to concepts of Ecosexuality) is the way Osho looked at relationships. Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, better known by his followers as Osho, was a spiritual guru in the ‘70s and ‘80s. He developed spiritual communes in Pune, India and Oregon. Osho praised “conscious monogamy as a very evolved form of relationship” however, “he was a severe critic of the traditional family, saying that it was ‘no longer relevant for the new humanity that was being born,’” (152). In Osho’s commune, children belonged to the community, and in order to expand awareness, adult sexual relationships were to be shared and free to prevent negative forms of attachment, what we would call jealousy, (93).

For me, this book was an incredible contrast to my own monogamous, Judeo-Christian upbringing. In school, I was told that “sex exists, and here’s all of the diseases you can get from it, also pregnancy.” In Osho’s ashram, the philosophy was that teenage sex, “was the most innocent, the most raw and pure of sexual experiences,” and that it, “could help to blossom people into sexually loving adults when it was not thwarted and laden with fear and moral judgment or hidden in secrecy and shame,” (152-3). Even though our society (as many of the books interviewed subjects have pointed out) seems to be content with the loneliness, despair, and depression that serial monogamy produces, I have not been. I was raised with three seemingly permanent parents who’ve had their ups and downs and saw several secondary father figures come and go. How very different can polyamory be for raising children if that’s our main concern? What is the advantages jealousy produces in a society so already laden with conflict, corruption, and envy?

Dr. Anapol’s book is academic in its approach, but poetic in execution. She is able to show how the philosophy behind having multiple sexualoving partners can open the doors to a more compersive and peaceful society. Dr. Anapol actually references Gaia and the New Politics of Love and describes how polyamory is conducive to the Gaia hypothesis. Patriarchal values (and it should be noted that much of what passes for polyamory is really old fashioned patriarchal polygyny, much of Mormon and Muslim sanctioned polygamy falls under this category) often place female dependence on male hegemony “over symbiosis or interdependence and direct bodily awareness,” (234). If we are able to begin practicing polyamory, not as a method of sexual gratification, but as an opening of awareness and love, as Osho proposed, then we can practice the arts of love in a sustainable way and open the doors to a loving society. 

John Nitowski
 Published with permission

WGSS 3998 - Ecosexuality and the Ecology of Love

Prof. Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio

U Conn, Storrs, Spring 2013

Course Announcement and Description

Dear Earthlings:

Let "nature" be your teacher in the arts of love.  Education is the heart of democracy, education to love.  Come back for more wonders: Book Reports to appear every other Thursday.  Book Reports to be scheduled soon.  Check out our summer offerings:  Ecosexuality in Portland, OR, July 17-21.  Registration here! 

Namaste,
 

Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio, PhD

Gilf Gaia Extraordinaire

Author of Gaia, Eros, and many other books about love
Professor of Humanities

University of Puerto Rico, Mayaguez

   

Follow us in the social media

Poly Planet GAIA Blog: 
http://polyplanet.blogspot.com/ 

Website: www.serenagaia.com 

Be Appraised of Ecosex Community Project PostaHouse 
Become a Fan: www.facebook.com/GaiaBlessings 

Author's Page/Lists all books: 

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001JS1VKA 

YouTube Uploaded Videos: http://www.youtube.com/SerenaAnderlini
 

 

4 of 9 - EcoSex @ U Conn - Book Reports - Future without War: Rhiann and Alissa's Take

Dear Earthlings:

The EcoSex course at U Conn is in process.  It's a great experience.  We are expanding horizons with clustered reading: Theory of Science, Cultural Theory, Ecological Theory.  We each read related books, then report to group.  More thinking out of the box and across disciplines.  Students are sending their book reports in.  In class, we connect the dots. From a holograph of what we've read together, the "required readings."  What's the connection with our clustered themes?  Multiple perspectives and good synergy.  Here, we offer a glimpse. Lynn Dieter Duhm's Future without War is one of five "Cultural Theory books.  We got Rhiann and Alissa to report on it.  

Rhiann Peterson and Alissa Maus:  
A Book Report on Future without War. Theory of Global Healing.
by Dieter Duhm

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Question: How was your experience reading this book in the context of an Ecosexuality course? How does the book’s content relate to the themes and questions of the course?

            Future without War by Dieter Duhm directly correlates with the concepts and ideas expressed in ecosexuality. The author focuses on how there is a possibility to have a future without war, but the only way to do so would be to heal the Earth as a whole. When pain occurs somewhere in the world it spreads because it is an interconnected whole as expressed in Gaia theory. The issues humans have with each other and within themselves causes hurt in the rest of society. Duhm believes that his Peace Villages and Healing Biotopes are the first step in order to get rid of war and create universal peace. These Peace Villages would have new organisms that would have no race, religion, culture, language, possessions, and etc. to define or shelter their opinions and views. These communities will hold people who are open minded and spread harmony to the rest of the world. “Those who are our enemies today may have been our friends before. Those who are our friends today may have been our enemies before” (Duhm 14).  Duhm makes the point that all people have suffered at some point and when one person suffers the world suffers with them. Because all people are connected by the Earth and Gaia theory when people harbor lies it can spread as hatred elsewhere.

            Duhm explains that war is a concept rooted in society and that even before war has begun it has been planned because it has been so ingrained in the culture.  He explains because we do not understand that war is such a piece of our society that people unknowingly contribute to war by ways as simple as just being a consumer. He ties his theory on a future without war with ecosexuality by explaining how each person is just an organ in the organism as a whole. Each person is connected to Gaia and is a piece of a puzzle that makes the system work as a whole.  He currently believes that, “the existing culture is an operating system of dominance, fear, and violence” (Duhm 23). In order to transform from what its current state a new society needs to be created free of influence with a new set of rules, establishing society as a whole. A generalization of his twelve rules of Tamera (Biotope) are as follows: One’s behavior must reflect healing and peace, both inner and outer. Resonate within and do not make any unneeded noise as it will disrupt the harmony. One must be trustworthy, truthful, supportive, and actively participate. On shall not suppress their sexual attractions but in doing so they must understand the idea of free sexuality and must not force others to satisfy their sexual needs. They have no right to possess people for example a husband, wife or child. The people in this community must attend certain events such as spiritual hours or training events for the younger generations. Duhm states also that one’s actions reflect on the lives of all people. His last rule is that one should continually build up energy in order to conserve it for later use. These concepts would create a community in which peace would overcome war, and where peace prevails it would be able to spread since the world is all connected and a part of Gaia.

            The comparison that Duhm uses is that when a person cuts their finger, the cells immediately begin the healing process as should humans be able to heal the Earth that they are a part of. He also uses the idea that when someone thinks they are getting fat their brain automatically formulates an image of them fat. He believes that if people’s bodies are capable of acting this way then humans should be able to act in the same manner in healing the Earth. This has recently been hindered due to the fact that many people in todays society believe that war is a necessity to society because of the dominant role it has taken in politics and economics. If we adapt to these Biotopes then there is a possibility that people will no longer need to be fearful of war, hatred and violence but rather they would just have to love.

            Another one of his principles that further coincides with Gaia theory is the idea that whatever is happening at one place is happening everywhere in the world because when something happens holowaves are sent out that send vibrations everywhere. He focuses on the concepts of frequencies that are sent out, so one thing a person does can affect someone in another part of the world. Duhm believes that our world is based upon information and that information controls the lives society leads. People need to download information on peace rather than war to create a future without war.

            Duhm mentions 5 key thoughts that outline the theory of global healing. In short they are the following; The entire Earth and all of humanity is a holistic system and can be considered one organism. In this first point, Duhm mentions how one single thought can change one’s whole inner life. One peace thought can shift our thinking and in turn shift other’s thinking. The second point illustrates that community, truth, trust, love, eros, and religion hold the keys to a world and life without violence. The third thought expands on the idea of trust as the centre of peacework. Duhm goes as far as to say that “peace is TRUST” and that “trust is the deepest human experience of all” (Duhm 63). Duhm also explains how healing biotopes work to generate trust by creating a place with favorable conditions and encouraging conscious work and effort in cultivating permanent trust. The fourth point illustrates that individual transformations are not what transforms a community. “Communal and societal structures that have yet to be created” will make it possible for truth and growth (Duhm 63). The fifth and final point suggests that the communities of the future will be responsible for developing the new societal structures needed to elicit change and promote a future without war. The more emphasis on Earth as holistic system will reverberate and create a new code of life for this planet.

            Another illustration Duhm included in his proposal for a future without war was the parable of the nut. In this metaphor, or parable, the nut is pregnant with it’s core. When the core arrives or is unveiled and shocks its audiences, a revelation occurs. In other words, “the becomes visible at more and more places on Earth - unveiling occurs. The unveiling makes it possible for us to take a look inside the nut” and realize the “prehistoric utopia” (Duhm 71). “Revelation means that the world goes from the implicit to explicit order. It changes from the latent state of its possibilities into the manifest states of its possibilities. A reality that so far exists as a latent reality, slowly manifests. the image of  “prehistoric utopia” becomes visible” (Duhm 72). Overall, the basic premise behind this explanation of the parable of the nut is that traditional society is the shell and the nut is is the ripe seed of new society that has yet to come.

            Another way to contemplate the future without war is through a virtual space station in the “noosphere”, also known as the mental and spiritual world. The virtual space station is almost a futuristic and more developed projection of what already exists in Tamera. It is important to realize that the term virtual does not necessarily mean computer generated but rather virtual means latent, possible, and conquerable futuristic goals of development. Additionally, the virtual space station is a way of looking at our own possibilities for holistic happiness. The virtual space station is a vision which is ignited by the power of thought and “always accompanied by conscientious material work, research, and implementation” (Duhm 78). Duhm notes that “the virtual space station is a dream, but it is a realistic one” (Duhm 80).

            As the text develops, Duhm begins to offer up the concept of solutions. He starts by quoting the architect Le Corbusier, “You do not start a revolution by fighting the state, but by presenting the solution” (Duhm 86). From here, Duhm proceeds to explain that problems can not be solved at the level in which they lie. He relates this to examples of love and technology and suggests that we need a higher level of order. He suggests that functioning communities with functioning spiritual systems provide a place where two lovers can meet and when they meet it will be a purely positive way. From here, Duhm goes on to elaborate on many types of energy. He touches on technical, solar, and emotional energy before suggesting the switch from fossil fuels to solar and cosmic energy. He notes that “we must switch from depletable to inexhaustible sources of energy” (Duhm 90). He dreams of a movement that is not characterized or complicated by scarcity and further assumes that all living things feel the same way.

As Future Without War winds down, Duhm explains the Monte Cerro experiment. The project is set in Tamera, Portugal and is focussed on understanding and developing effective peace villages. The project is meant to represent a global aspect in two regards; economy of globalization and new world order. Their main objectives are to discover how the world can be healed and absent of violence by imposing these goals on themselves within their new community. In three years, students are expected to come up with how they can heal world suffering and urged to start with themselves and their community members. The experiment connects the students to their natural surroundings as they coexist within their environment. Additionally, art is also mentioned as an important aspect of the experiment. Duhm includes a list of thought provoking questions regarding the Monte Cerro experiment that open opportunities for dialogue and contemplation.

In conclusion, Future Without War utilizes Tamera and the Monte Cerro experiment to demonstrate the possibilities for a nonviolent future filled with peace and trust. The main topics of sexuality, love, and partnership are seen throughout the text and provide a direct connection to the Ecosexuality movement. 

Alissa Maus and Rhiann Peterson
Published with permission

WGSS 3998 - Ecosexuality and the Ecology of Love

Prof. Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio

U Conn, Storrs, Spring 2013

Course Announcement and Description

Dear Earthlings:

Let "nature" be your teacher in the arts of love.  Education is the heart of democracy, education to love.  Come back for more wonders: Book Reports to appear every other Thursday.  Book Reports to be scheduled soon.  Check out our summer offerings:  Ecosexuality in Portland, OR, July 17-21.  Registration here! 

Namaste,
 

Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio, PhD

Gilf Gaia Extraordinaire

Author of Gaia, Eros, and many other books about love
Professor of Humanities

University of Puerto Rico, Mayaguez

   

Follow us in the social media

Poly Planet GAIA Blog: 
http://polyplanet.blogspot.com/ 

Website: www.serenagaia.com 

Be Appraised of Ecosex Community Project PostaHouse 
Become a Fan: www.facebook.com/GaiaBlessings 

Author's Page/Lists all books: 

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001JS1VKA 

YouTube Uploaded Videos: http://www.youtube.com/SerenaAnderlini
 

 

3 of 9 - EcoSex @ U Conn - Book Reports - Lichtenfels's Temple of Love: Alex's Take

Dear Earthlings:

The EcoSex course at U Conn is in process.  It's a great experience.  We are expanding horizons with clustered reading: Theory of Science, Cultural Theory, Ecological Theory.  We each read related books, then report to group.  More thinking out of the box and across disciplines.  Students are sending their book reports in.  In class, we connect the dots. From a holograph of what we've read together, the "required readings."  What's the connection with our clustered themes?  Multiple perspectives and good synergy.  Here, we offer a glimpse.  Sabine Lichtenfels's Temple of Love is one of five "Cultural Theory" books.  We got Alex to report on it.  

Alexandra Mayer:  
A Book Report on Temple of Love: A Journey into the Age of Sensual Fulfillment
by Sabine Lichtenfels
 

Temple of Love seems to be a handbook for EcoSexuality. The author, Sabine Lichtenfels, favors free love, arguing that free love exists for the “reconnection and re-entry to greater contexts of information and communication”(55). In this she means that free love is universal love. A person should not hoard their love, but should let it flow naturally. This in turn will link the loving individual with all of nature and Mother Earth herself. She claims that personal love is selfish, and makes a good point that it often stems from the yearning for possession. Often, males want to own females, and control them. This spurs jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, and despair. She furthers her promotion of free love by stating, “The wish of a woman to belong fully to a man is a slightly lower and less connected version of the wish to fully love and recognize a person”(241). Thus, connection with the earth and all her belongings creates a true love of others.

            This really resonated with me. I recently broke up with my boyfriend without really knowing why. I knew that I loved him and I knew that he loved me. Still,  something was wrong. He was generally kind and caring, but would sometimes erupt with feelings of anger and inadequacy. These bouts of emotion had extremely intense effects on my well being. I would find myself drowning in the dark vibes, feeling all that he felt, heartbroken long after each individual event had ended. I fell into paranoia, thinking he was always mad at me. I realize now, that this behavior stemmed from his attempt to own me. He loved me the wrong way. His passion urged him to keep me to himself. When his subconscious forced him to understand that as a human and a free spirit, I was impossible to own, rage would well within him. He would then try to hide these feelings, knowing that he should love me for me or fully “recognize” me instead of trying to change certain aspects so that I would be eternally his. The suppressed emotions would then lead to episodes. Like Manu and Meret in Temple of Love we were not ready for personal love. (I do, however, differ from the author’s belief that monogamy never works).

            Sabine Lichtenfels talks a great deal about Manu and Maret. She claims that their love, the first of personal love, led to the patriarchal society in which we live today. Manu’s longing to own Maret and her submission created of feelings of power in Manu, for he realized that he could act free of Mother Earth. This hunger for independent power eventually manifested in a murder committed by Manu. This only intensified his craving for individual action. Manu, thus, severed the human tie with nature by realizing individuality.

 Humans no longer act to benefit a system of a whole. This, in turn, spurs violence, hatred, and dismay. Harmful climate change for instance, is a result of individuality. People, looking for profit, caring not for others’ well beings, continue to mine, to waste energy, and to damage earth. In the short run convenience and revenue are increased. These benefits, of course, will not last. The melting caps and impending disaster will swallow up the benefits along with the human race. Every act the individual takes at the expense of the whole will haunt him eventually, for the individual is part of the whole.

Sabine Lichtenfels elaborates on the link between the individual and the whole by stating, “private therapy alone cannot bring healing... because there is no private disease”(235). This statement showcases the detrimental effects a society can have. Private disease does not exist because problems often stem from the environment in which one lives and the social mores that control said environment. A book that showcases this idea is the Feminine Mystique. For this masterpiece, Betty Friedan interviewed a variety of middle class suburban women. Most of the women felt they should be happy, but couldn’t rid themselves of a certain despondence. Many ignored their despair, feeling that their pain displayed a personal flaw. Betty Friedan found, however, that the pain of a woman enslaved in domestic duty was universal. Feminine Mystique put a name to the societal problem that plagued various individuals. The realization that the womanly pain due unequal rights was cultural and not personal spurred a movement. It is interesting to contemplate how far Sabine Lichtenfels statement can go. Are certain mental problems results of our culture? In America the sociopathic rate is one in twenty. In Japan the rate is one in one-hundred. With epigenetics, the scientific idea that certain genes are only expressed if triggered by a certain event, the idea that private problems do not exist is validated.

I was especially intrigued with Sabine Lichtenfels take on religion. She argues that the male god of christianity is angry and misogynistic. At first I was taken aback by her description, but then I realized she was criticizing certain aspects of the christian institution and not what she believed to be a “real” higher power. I realized while reading this book that a priest can call God “rock, water, whine, bread, tree,” but can never call God “woman.” To me this fact is greatly distressing. Furthermore, alters are reserved for men, which furthers Sabine Lichtenfels claim that christianity is anti-woman and thus an anti-natural institution.

Furthermore, her glorification of the snake symbol, which has always represented the freedom of women and sensuality, displayed a rare self love. It was extremely refreshing and new to see the snake/serpent showcased in a positive light. Even those that are not religious see depictions of the snake as evil in various pieces of literature. The fact that I have never seen the snake as a positive symbol, proves that our society has an ingrained bias against the freedom and sexuality of women. In this, society opposes nature.

Temple of Love is filled with wise insights. One such insight is as follows: “When I am fully in the present, I am protected from fear”(245). Fear, of course, is negative. It sucks from us the will to do whatever it is that we really dream of, leaving us empty. We often hear the question “What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?” Sadly, this question reminds many people that they are not fulfilling their wishes, for the answer, the representation of what one wants,  is usual at in dissonance with reality, what one does. Many recognize that fear is detrimental, but neither dissect its hold on them nor attempt to cure the disease. By stating “When I am fully in the present, I am protected from fear,” Sabine Lichtenfels addresses the cause and anecdote.

This statement shows that fear comes from pondering the past or the future with too much depth. It makes sense. It’s something I should have thought of before. While it is good to learn from mistakes of yesterday, it is harmful to wallow in regret. For example, those who have been betrayed by a loved one, often close their souls to avoid yet another painful encounter. For such individuals, fear of love stems from past heartaches. For others, the future spurs destruction. Of course, one must plan for future goals. And sure, a great deal of hope rests in the future. However, if one thinks only of tomorrow, fear will control them. People rely too heavily on prolonged gratification. In that I mean people ignore present euphorias for a secure future. Fear forces people to do this. A common thought process is “if I don’t work work work, and ignore all that is around me, I will not achieve X.” The solution? Live presently. It’s cheesy. It’s cliche. It’s true. Soak in the beauty within every moment, adore each second of each day, realize the miracles of life that surround you, and fear will disappear. The dearth of fear, in turn, will create a happier and healthier life.

Other advice in Temple of Love includes, “This is why they say ‘Love is blind.’ You look outside for what you have forgotten or betrayed inside yourself”(243). In my copy of the book, I put stars and hearts next to this statement. If we expect others to encompass all that we are not, all that we wish we were, we will constantly be let down. This is an unfair weight to put on another. Still, most of us fall into this trap. “He/she balances me out” we say. This attitude transforms love into dependence. If and individual needs someone to “complete” him, he is obviously short of something necessary to his well being. Furthermore, this type of relationship ignores the lover’s actual personality. The incomplete individual does not see his love for what they are, rather for what he himself is not. This is not true love.

Something very powerful in this book is the idea of justified and controlled anger, or “sacred anger.” In a spiritual trance, during which the author feels another’s being, Sabine Lichtenfels hears the words, “I will become the witness of the thoughts which arise from anger, and I have the task of transforming them into a sacred and peaceful power”(120). From this passage, I realized that anger often has a valid source. There are certain evils that need transformation. The resulting anger, however, is detrimental and useless. If we can separate anger from its source, we can identify specific injustices and work with a clear mind to halt the wrongs.

There were many amazing ideas and thoughts in this book. I have not yet touched upon so much that touched me. I do, however, want to share the part of the book that did not please me. Sabine Lichtenfels often talks of male and female as “polar opposites” and creates her own very rigid gender standards. I personally subscribe to the belief that gender is a social construct. I believe that soul, and not body determines an individual’s disposition and that were we free of social mores our genders would be more fluid. Sex, the biological determinant of male and female, too could be argued to be a social construct. One in seven people are born with such biology that calls for surgery in order to make an individual fall under the category “boy” or the category “girl.” With this fact, I surrender all belief in the “male/female” system. Her book was, however, most uplifting for those who identify as “women” and follow the societal ideals of today. She also painted an absolutely stunning picture of natural femininity, that,  while I don’t necessarily agree with, I respect and admire.

Sabine Lichtenfels is a wise and intensely creative woman. Her visions of the past, though not historically validated, are beautiful and meaningful. She tells a story, true or not, that lends itself to teaching.  As a growing youth, still forming ideas about the world around me and piecing together what I believe to be true, I find that Temple of Love might just have a lasting impact on my ideology. It has brought many previously unexplored ideas to me, which I am eager to think on. 

Alexandra Mayer
Published with permission

WGSS 3998 - Ecosexuality and the Ecology of Love

Prof. Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio

U Conn, Storrs, Spring 2013

Course Announcement and Description

Dear Earthlings:

Let "nature" be your teacher in the arts of love.  Education is the heart of democracy, education to love.  Come back for more wonders: Book Reports to appear every other Thursday.  Book Reports scheduled every other Thursday.  Check out our summer offerings:  Ecosexuality in Portland, OR, July 17-21.  Registration here! 

Namaste,
 

Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio, PhD

Gilf Gaia Extraordinaire

Author of Gaia, Eros, and many other books about love
Professor of Humanities

University of Puerto Rico, Mayaguez

   

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