In talking about poly lovestyles, the question of 'children' often comes up. "It's ok as long as only adults are involved, but what about children? Can they be 'exposed' to such things and still grow up to be sane and happy people?" Find out all about this and more in this clip. Hear the wisdom of poly grandmothers with two generations of descendants who are happy to have them be part of the family and respect them for who they are!
Here's another clip from the Double Book Launch on 6/22. Enjoy and let us know what you think. And for more info on it all, don't forget to order your copy of Gaia and the New Politics of Love!
What is a nuclear family? How did this type of family come into being? Whose interests does this invention serve? When did it become prevalent and why? What is 'nuclear' about it? Why do some people think it's the only possible type of family and/or the most advanced one? What are new ways to think about 'family' that better serve the future of our species?
All of this stuff came up when Taj and yours truly were reading at Open Secret Bookstore, at the Double Book Launch we held on June 22. We promised more details about it, and here we are!
People often ask me about families, and how they became nuclear. In fact, many even seem to think that families have always been nuclear, that there's never been another model for what a family is supposed to look like, or even that there is something inherently 'natural' to families being of this kind.
But what is 'nuclear' about families, really? Are these kinds of families supposed to explode, like atoms? Are they an invention of the nuclear age? Do they look like atoms, and if so, which ones? Carbon? Oxygen? Hydrogen? Uranium? Perhaps they've got some nuclear energy inside, in which case they should be handled carefully, right? If they are enriched, they can become even more unstable, and that can start the process of atomic fission, where they splinter into little particles. In this case, they fall under George W's special category, 'nukular,' remember? The famous word that egregious president could not pronounce?
In any event, and jokes aside, the nuclear family, explosive or not, is a very recent invention. If we consider the infinite ways in which life has become organized in order to nurture itself through time on the face of our multifarious hostess Gaia, including all of human cultures and the cultures of other species, we find out that in the history of what we may call 'family,' the nuclear family is really a split second. Just a blink of the eye. And not the happiest or most interesting one.
The clip explains when and why the nuclear family became prevalent. What kind of paradigm it is part of, and why this paradigm no longer serves life in general, or human life in particular. Nothing wrong with nuclear families. They serve a purpose. But to move into a Gaian future, the whole idea of what constitutes family must be placed in a much wider horizon.
Check it out!
Yours truly hopes you enjoy the video. Please help us imagine what the video does not say. What families can we invent to met our needs? Suggestions are welcome!
Families are about love, right? So a new politics of love is also a new politics about families, right? If you're not sure what's political about families, find out all about it in Gaia and the New Politics of Love.
This announcement applies to action to be taken the day after tomorrow, July 25th. It is related to Polyamory in the 21st Century, a book yours truly has read very carefully and recommends with high marks! Here's why everyone who reads should get their online order in come Sunday!
For a number of years now bestsellers have been engineered by the book industry. Lots of books get published every year: in fact it has never been easier to become an 'author.' However, which books get into whose hands, who has access to them, who thinks they should, and who, eventually, get the wisdom of these books is another story. With big conglomerates controlling a great deal of the book production and distribution, the public is often the very last entity to decide what's worth reading. That's why the vast majority of people still believe many very natural ideas to be quite esoteric and radical and eccentric. Like the idea that we humans can love more than one person at once and can do so in integrity! Which is of course the very essence of polyamory and also a nugget of very ancient wisdom that has helped people whose love is abundant get by under all kinds of different circumstances.
The so called 'social media' offer tools that help reclaim the ability to create bestsellers. We don't have to do it the way the book industry does it, namely by investing big six-digit figures in expensive bill boards that use a lot of paper and destroy a lot of trees and induce false desire to consume what others consume too. No. We can do it digitally and communally, by focusing efforts on ordering online a certain book on a specified date. The multiple sales made in close proximity send a signal to the digital system that a certain title is highly requested. This gets attention to the title and author, who then get the advantage of being billed as 'best sellers' for the day!
That way the very notion of bestseller (that which sells best) gets redefined as something that certain groups of people prefer for reasons that are close to their hart, that reflect their genuine inclinations and commitments, their thirst for out-of-the-box knowledge, rather than corporate interests. This type of community action helps the book industry realize that all kinds of books generate interest among readers, even books on topics many big publishers would consider too 'niche,' radical, or marginal to invest in. So all in all this reclaiming is a way to favor the general public with a book industry that offers a wider variety of products that respond to a wider range of interests and that presume a higher level of intelligence and decision-making abilities among book buyers and consumers.
The time has come to activate this best-seller reclaiming system for poly books. Deborah Taj Anapol's Polyamory in the 21st Century is coming up for its special day on Sunday, July 25th, which is also a day of very momentous astral coincidences. So, let's all coalesce and buy our own copy from Amazon.com on that very day!
Reclaiming bestsellers for our communities is a bit like reclaiming land for sustainable agriculture from agribusiness. Monoculture is a state of mind, as yours truly learns from Vandana Shiva, author of Monocultures of the Mind, among other amazing books. It's a way to colonize our minds with ideas that serve interests foreign to our inherent needs. In the mind, monocultures are just as pernicious as they can be in the fields. Think of creating 'polycultures of the mind' as you place your order on the 25th. You can do it directly from this website.
Friends keep telling me that people don't understand what I mean. "She uses strange words," they say, or at least, "she uses words in a strange way. Why does she do that? What does she really mean?"
"That's the point," I think to myself, very shy, very humbled, very timid, "making up new words, new phrases, using words that are unfamiliar, making familiar words sound new."
That's the power of words, the power of literature, if you will. What I was trained in. (Arhhhhhg, what a mistake to presume one can relinquish some ignorance!)
"These people," I think, "they really want it easy. Not only I learned their language so I can speak to them. But then if I use words of their language that for one reason or another sound queasy, they become suspicious of me. There's no way to do right by them!"
"What's this fear?" Fear of words. One cannot be afraid of words. Words are NOT things. They only represent things. Or do they? Can words also MAKE things? Can they CHANGE things? Can they affect, transform, reinterpret, create REALITY?
Of course they can. All poets are keenly aware of this. Otherwise why would they spend time playing with words?
So, a case in point is this video clip. From The Wisdom of Love, a double book launch Deborah Taj Anapol and me held at Open Secret Bookstore on June 22, 2010. It's a bit late to post. I know. Took a long time to figure, with us being a team of wise, wise, wise people. So ancient is our wisdom that we're not all that familiar with latest tech stuff for social media. But we get it eventually. And for this clip, we owe courtesy to Steve Hoffman of Oakaland, California, who shot, cut, and reduced for us.
So, what's the fun with words here? Well, "RESOURCES." People in ecology, in environmental science talk about 'resources,' right? "Limited resources." "Sources of energy that are 'renewable'," as in wind, solar, hydro: ways to create power that generate themselves again every day, that are commonly owned/shared. That don't involve pollution or extinction of the source when it's most needed. See what's happening with the oil spill. Easy oil is almost gone now. And we're ever more dependent on it. While it's also turning our amiable hostess Gaia into an oven. Ouch! I'm cooking! I'm being cooked!
So then, resources is the issue, right? Why can't we BE the resources we seek? Sounds Oedipal? It is! What happens if we begin to think of ourselves as the resources we need? What if we begin to practice BEING resources for each other?
A whole lot! Big shift in thinking. Now we don't need a lot of resources. We need to interpret each other AS resources. And what can we trade that is, as Stan Dale would say, "free"? We can trade LOVE, or 'amor,' or 'amore,' or 'amour' as those hopelessly Romantic, romance language people would say.
Then we see that being POLYAMOROUS, being capable, by nurture, by nature (who knows?) of trading these AMOROUS RESOURCES with a whole bunch of people is NOT a dangerous perversion, is NOT a problem, is NOT a liability, is NOT a sign of being promiscuous or a misfit. IT IS ACTUALLY A VIRTUE!!!
Yes, you heard me. BEING POLY IS ACTUALLY A VIRTUE! It should be rewarded as a free recycling system, as a national forest deep-ecology biodiversity sustaining nurturing ecosystem. It should be cause for being nominated for the Nobel Prize for Peace!
"But wait a minute," you must be saying, "is this for real?" "Sounds like a trick to justify some wicked perversion."
Well, I leave the final judgment to you. It's on the video. Somebody in the audience at Open Secret asked "what's the connection between Gaia the living planet and open love, open relating?"
That's how I explained it!
Go ahead and listen . . . .
Then, if you like what you hear, you can get more info from the source of my wisdom, Gaia and the New Politics of Love. This book was inspired by one who IS the pleasure he seeks. Watch out for the book's new digital edition, coming soon. Meanwhile, get your paper version and start practicing love's wisdom.
There will be more posts and clips. The momentous series of events we held in Norther California in June-early July will be unfolding digitally as we post clips and snippets, with comments.
Could it be as simple as an ecosexual politics of love where Eros makes peace with Gaia?
These wise women have it all figured out. Find out from what they write and then lobby for their ideas with Obama!
Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio, Deborah Taj Anapol, and Dossie Easton at Open Secret Bookstore in San Rafael, Ca, on July 3rd celebrating Interdependence Day as they outline the future of love on Planet Earth.
We will be back with more about this historic event where the future of love on the planet was outlines. Meanwhile, please send us your thoughts, ideas, comments, poems, rants, plans, critiques, strategies. What's a new politics of love that would serve Gaia and us? What does it look, feel, smell, taste like to you? tell us and we will publish it on Poly Planet GAIA!
do you call yourself 'ecosexual'? would you date someone who does? if yes, or no, why?
'Ecosexual,' the new 'sexual orientation people use in personal ads, we learn from Annie Sprinkle, 'sybaritic cougar,' and participant extraordinaire. Do you call yourself 'ecosexual'? Would you date someone who does? If yes, or no, why?
Annie Sprinkle, Beth Stephens, Cunning Minx: more love, more wisdom!
We will be back with more about this historic event where the future of love on the planet was outlines. Meanwhile, please send us your thoughts, ideas, comments, poems, rants, plans, critiques, strategies. What's a new politics of love that would serve Gaia and us? What does it look, feel, smell, taste like to you? Tell us and we will publish it on Poly Planet GAIA!
And, don't forget to look up for 'ecosexual' dates next time you go out!
What’s that u write in your letter now…? I mean the four cryptic lines in response to my 500 pages
the topic: our thrilling discussion of sexuality
It’s like communicating with an ancient dragon
If I am completely pure you will not be able to devour me
No idea what you are talking about, though I like the sound of the strange words
Yet I never could possibly accept them, they’re outrageous!
We…them…US? Are you crazy?
(then again when are you ever not crazy)
No idea where you’re going with this
Talk to the hand
I mouth your words out loud in your voice
Like a little poltergeist in the pink ribbons my mother has put me in
Then roll my eyes, smack my lips
Laugh heartily (but not too loudly) and giggle a little bit and stamp my foot
You (ms bad-mannered low-class bouncer type, sleeps with anything, grungy grungy girl, smells bad too, ew--)
and I--
Principled. Educated. Honest. Okay, a little nerdy, in a space cadet sort of way--
have Nothing in Common
(You. the Evil. Brainwasher.). Me the flouncy girly girl with the pageboy hair,
always did have the better neckline,
beautiful like a greek goddess
you were always way too tall your arms strong, wiry
your coffee eyes how they would probe so deep inside me
hypnotic making me tell all my deepest darkest secrets accidentally
We should look for boys, you said one day all non-chalant, yet excitedly
Pretending to blush but looking right through me
How rather sneaky you are
Flashing eyes like Satan in feline female form
Watching like the Cheshire cat for my response
Like we were about to discover a new country
But why? And, So soon? I replied as if on cue
feeling terribly betrayed looking back at you sadly quizzically suddenly lost
was I too boring
I could read less books!
Try to be more of a n action figure like you for once
And after that I instantly forgot all the magical tomgirl memories
Pushed them down down down
Someplace where no one would ever find them
It was easier somehow just to stuff them, to try to forget
(even if it made me sick)
As one day you just left, taking the better part of me with you
And by the way I’m just FINE, thanks for asking,
Perfectly normal, right as rain
It’s still a load of non-sense whatever you were saying
You don’t define me, so there
You’re such a pain, always trying to tell me who I am
It’s just a little postpartum aversion to hetero men
Not that someone as wacko as you would ever understand
I’m sure it will go away any minute now
(Yet it’s pretty serious this time even I have to admit)
Went to our little local multi-colored parade today
It was nice—considering--
You don’t exactly invite us to Your Shiny translucent Castro Neighborhood
Which you think You Just Own (as usual)…
Hope mom and dad don’t
See me and baby on television in rainbow gear
cuz they are gonna freak, huh?
I wish u were here to take the heat
Not to mention the sunburn
Standing next to a drunk Native American
In the broad daylight
Who doesn’t know what he is doing there either
Chatting me up
He was kinda cute though
Maybe he was just happy
Maybe he had two spirits
(Like somebody I knew)
…the baby who I refused to gender before birth
(whose shower, yes, you missed)
I just couldn’t
In the ultrasound he looked
So much like you, long ago
anyway never mind about the argument,
what was it about again? can’t quite remember
I do hope it was important though
well, don’t forget how much we miss you
Your little sister & perpetual student
~Lesbian until graduation
(ps Indian Spirit is still better, any fool like u can ride a Harley)
Paper. Rock. Scissors.
p.s.p.s. of course I didn’t send it! She’s so damn stoopid (aka that’s how SHE’d spell it) & she never could read fast like I could, she just faked it to impress, the little witch!
The Wisdom of Love at Open Secretwas the kick off event of the season and it went really well. We were in a wonderful room, known as The Gallery. The decor was exotic and artistic, a whole series of statues and other art pieces from India and other countries from the "Far East," where the arts of loving are still known and cultivated by common people (unlike the West, where they've been coopted under the aegis of "science," a modality of knowledge that tends to "normalize" things, endlessly search for some kind of normativity).
Deborah Taj Anapol, our assistant, and me arrived quite early, and in common agreement decided to enhance the "Oriental" flavor of the event by sitting on the floor, our backs to the center piece: An invitation to attendees to share "the floor" with us, to see us as equals, rather than as "those in the know" who stand up on the podium.
We noticed diversity in age groups, background, and other as people milled in. Greeting people we knew, in those expansive, affectionate ways typical of poly people, was beautiful. Many new people came in too. The last touches were put on the sound system, the display table, the videos. We were blessed with two video makers and their equipment shooting footage throughout the reading.
We intended a synergy, so each speaker introduced the other speaker's book. It was good to hear someone whose work I respect so much speak publicly about mine. Taj definitely did a good job of it. And I hope I did too. As the event unfolded, I noticed the presence of my co-speaker, the way she connects with the audience, she relates to them, she is confident they will hear. Won't necessarily try to please them. But make them feel alive, yes, she will. She tucks in a little bit of irony here and there too. I feel proud to be in this space. I tuck in a tid bit of irony too, when I make sure people know I'm from Italy but I don't make pizza: Instead, I study history, which leads me into commenting on Anapol's wonderful job of weaving the multiple threads of polyamory's modern history.
People keep coming in, finding nooks to tuck themselves in, more chairs brought into the room for those unwilling to imitate our yogic positions. Everybody seems comfy enough in this heart-opening space. We go across the room asking people to introduce themselves: "What brings you here? why is polyamory interesting to you?" This is California and I'm always amazed about how much people are willing to share--even in a room full of strangers--about themselves, their personal experiences. My mind goes back to the early years of my arrival in this region, when I was so impressed by this behavior, this trust, this willingness, this faith that if you put out what resonates as authentic for you, then your eagerness will attract toward you exactly what you wish. And I took that one on big time of course when I put out my own slightly disguised life story in my first narrative book, Eros, which managed, as it were, to attract into my life exactly what I wished. With all this eager way of being into the world that I've sucked in, I'm reminded of why I call California my second matria (she/homeland), with the first one being Italy and the third one Puerto Rico.
Next section is the actual reading. I go first and read a very short piece. There is attention, eagerness in the room. I am careful. I know what I have to say does not sound pleasant to all people. That the Earth is not a "mother" who loves us and protects us. That, according to scientists, Gaia, the live planet, is actually a "tough botch" who will get of us if we continue to abuse her. There are many attentive minds in the room, I sense the words begin to resonate with people, "unusual words this foreigner speaks, she uses our language, but why does she say such strange, such outrageous things? And why, strangely enough, some of them begin to make sense too?" We pause for questions, and there are many more than we can answer. The synergy begins to work there too. Anapol and I find ourselves answering each other's questions. In other words, there is a question and I take it, then she pitches in and the answer becomes more complete.
Then her turn comes to read. She announces a couple of things. She begins to read from the chapter about why people choose polyamory. Of course her theory is smart and minimalist: "people choose polyamory for a variety of reasons." In other words, "if you, reader, were expecting some pathological explanation for why one would make such an unusual choice, you're not going to get one here. I am the expert, and I guarantee you: Reasons are so different that no single, unique cause does exist. So, get used to it!"
Love comes in many shapes, and the more the better.
Anapol's reading time is quite short too.
Interesting questions start to come in, and the discussion opens up as we take turns and offer different takes on them. Many more hands are up with a bunch of interesting ideas, desire to put them on the table, debate them. We realize time has run out. It's almost time for the store to close. We are quite happy that we've created such multifarious interests. We break up the circle. Invite everyone to join us again on July 3rd too.
There is a little more time to wrap things up. A few people approach me, they want copies of the books. Others approach Anapol. Unfortunately, her book, the three-cherry-cover book, has not arrived yet. Que lastima! my friends would say in Puerto Rico. I write down a few dedications, signatures. It's good to think that these people will read for themselves, will make the effort to stretch their imagination as far as I intend to take them. Maybe some of them will let me know what they think, they will inspire me for next project.
Goodbyes are another golden opportunity to manifest poly expansiveness, to express our willingness to share love and affection. More hugs, more eye contact and warm thank yous. We even manage a quick three-way hug with two of the participants. Time to thank the host and pack our things. We realize the filming has been going on very smoothly, unobtrusively. It's like, there was filming, but this wasn't about being filmed. it just happened, naturally, with the process of recording integrated in the real thing. We haven't even had the time to thank the video makers, they've already disappeared. We get our things out to the car.
It feels like the end of a good evening.
We're off to Harbin Hot Springs tomorrow for the World Polyamory Association meeting.
